It's Found in Jellyfish, You Know...

Here at HGP, we love listening to the wording in commercials, such as the one currently running for a supplement that is supposed to help improve your memory.  Never mind that supplements are supplements because they don't have any real proof they do anything at all.  If that proof were there, then they would call it a medicine.

In this particular commercial they make the comment that the supplement is "shown to improve" memory.  Here's the thing:  "Shown to improve" means nothing.  If it really did improve your memory, then they could say that:  It does improve your memory.  It all comes down to the word "shown."  Shown... by whom?  "Well... you see... we gave it to a bunch of people.  It wasn't a real study or anything.  There were no controls or stuff like that.   But when we asked them if they thought their memory was better, they said it might be.  Well... those who remembered they had taken it.  So, yeah.  That shows something... doesn't it?"

But wait!  Maybe it's really does work!  After all, it is recommended by pharmacists... not that being recommended by pharmacists means a whole lot.  "You do know these memory supplements don't do anything... right?  But if you want my recommendation of which one to take, this one seems as good as any of them.  It's cheaper, and it hasn't killed anybody yet."

So... yeah.  What were we talking about?

Shocking!

Here at HGP we've seen an uptick in the use of the phrase "shocking," as in, "It's shocking how many people are using the phrase 'shocking.'"  I suppose that's to be expected.  When people hear a catchy word or phrase, especially when it's used by the media, they tend to repeat it.  And repeat it.  And repeat it.  Here's the thing:  When words are overused, they come to mean nothing.  For instance, if we use "shocking" for things that truly are not shocking, such as an increase in the cost of lettuce or getting a bad grade on an exam or the overuse of a phrase, then when we use it on something that truly is shocking, like a nun going on a killing spree or child pornography... it doesn't really seem that bad.  So once again, here at the Incomplete Guide, we offer the following synonyms for "shocking."  Mix them up.  Or, better, use only one for everything, and see if you can start a national craze, too!

appalling, scandalous, outrageous, awful, dreadful, horrendous, inexcusable, shameful, disgraceful, immoral, offensive, contemptable, terrible, unpleasant, horrible, alarming, frightful, atrocious, unbearable, reprehensible, intolerable, despicable, and disreputable.

Be Prepared...

It's the motto of a good Scout.  There, it means to be prepared for anything.  If you have your trusty Boy Scout knife on you at all times, then you are prepared to open cans, punch leather, remove screws, and get arrested for trying to take a weapon on an airplane. 

As long as you are speaking in specific terms, saying to be prepared is a good thing.  We can be prepared for bad weather, such as putting the storm shutters on or being out of town.  We can be prepared for natural disasters by having our seven days of food and water in reserve.  We can be prepared for automotive problems and household fires and having snacks ready for our ravenous children when they get home in the afternoon. 

It's those intangible things that being "prepared for" are just... well... silly.  Take, for example, the phrase, "Prepare to be impressed."  How do you do that?  Do we need to stretch out first?  Make sure that nobody is standing too closely so when we jump in the air and throw our arms out we don't smack them?  How do you prepare to laugh?  To cry (other than having tissues close by)?  How do you even prepare to die?  Sure, you can make peace with your god, if your religion allows that sort of thing.  You can have your will drawn up and pre-arrangement plans secured.  But when it gets down to it, I'm not sure anybody is truly "prepared" to die.

If you're going to tell somebody to be prepared, then, make sure it's something they can actually prepare to do... or don't tell them to be prepared.  Yeah, if your friend is contemplating setting his clothes on fire and then jumping off the top of a ten story building with nothing but an umbrella... 'cause, you know, the burning clothing will create an updraft of warm air that will slow down the fall of the umbrella, and he'll be on the ground before the fire really starts to burn him, and then he can just roll around on the ground to put it out...  it probably wouldn't hurt to tell him he's probably going to die.  How he might want to prepare for that is totally up to him.

Let the Cat Out of the Bag

"Letting the cat out of the bag" has come to mean giving away a secret; to reveal facts previously hidden.  Never mind how hard it would be to actually put a cat in a bag... any bag... any cat.  The bigger question is why somebody would want to?  And the answer to that is to fool gullible people, in particular, anybody who is gullible enough to buy a pig without first seeing it, say, if it were a pig in a poke.  A "poke" is an older, more rustic name for a bag.  Of course, there needs to be something in that bag other than a pig to pull off the scam, and what better animal than a cat?  The rube who is naïve enough to buy that pig sight-unseen, and who can't tell the difference between a pig's squealing and a cat's caterwauling, won't realize he's been had, of course, until he lets the cat out of the bag.

(Katharine M. Rogers from Cat, Reaktion Books, 2006)