We’ve all been told to count our blessings.  And I suppose doing so would be a good way to keep our lives in perspective.  But if we need to count them – and apparently we do because everybody is always telling us to do so – then just how many do we need?  What is a good number?

Is there a system for measuring blessings?  Because certainly some blessings are worth more than others.  Finding a match for a kidney transplant would be a blessing, but so would your flowers’ not having aphids.  I’m thinking along the lines of 10 no-aphids would be worth one no-parking ticket.  10 no-parking tickets would be worth one my son’s not a neo-Nazi.  And 10 my son’s not a neo-Nazi would be worth one kidney.  Of course, it would have to be modified for inflation.

But then, even if you only had one blessing, it wouldn’t be that bad.  I mean, if you’re going to die of kidney failure anyway, wouldn’t it be just a little bit better if you could go knowing that your philodendrons don’t have aphids?

 

Scene:  An elevator at the hospital.  Going down.  Arthur is alone in the elevator when Eugene steps in.  The doors close.  During the entire conversation, neither will ever make complete eye contact, always keeping an eye on the numbers above the door.  After a few moments of nervous silence...

Eugene:  Boy, this sure makes you want to count your blessings.

Arthur:  Seven.

Eugene:  Excuse me?

Arthur:  Seven.

Eugene:  Seven what?

Arthur:  Blessings.  You told me to count them.  I have seven.

Eugene:  Seven?

Arthur:  That’s good, isn’t it?  My cousin, Max, he only has one.  Me?  I’m not sure that being somebody’s bitch at the State Prison would be a blessing, but Max says it keeps him from having the living hell beaten out of him every day and still being everybody’s bitch.  I suppose it’s all a question of perspective.  How many blessings do you have?

Eugene:  Umm...  I’m really not sure.

Arthur:  Then maybe you ought to be the one to do the counting.  I hope you have more than one.  And even if you have only one, I hope it’s better than my cousin’s.  Oh.  Here’s my floor.  Have a blessed day.