OK. First of all, anybody who corrects you
on this really needs a hobby... well, a hobby other than grammar. I recommend embalming. It’s fun, challenging,
and offers hours of entertainment, and since you’ve already bored everybody to death correcting their grammar, it gives
you something to do with their bodies.
But
if you really want to know...
Shall and
Will are both used for the future tense. Which you use depends on how much you really mean it, as well as who
really means it. Depending on which pronoun is being used, the whole thing can switch. I mean, seriously.
You know the rule is ridiculous when the easiest way to show it is with a chart.
Pronoun | When You’re Really Determined | When You’re Really Not
|
I | Will | Shall |
We | Will | Shall |
You
| Shall | Will |
He, She, It |
Shall
| Will |
Don’t Care |
Will | Will |
So if I were really determined, I would say, “I
will drive people crazy with my grammar!” But if I were talking about how determined you were, I would say, “You
shall embalm me if I do.”
On
the other hand, if I decided to spend my time lying around instead of worrying about ridiculous grammar rules, I’d say,
“I shall get out of bed eventually.” But if I were talking about Bob, I would say, “He will
get up sooner or later.”
And, seriously,
nobody should ever say “shan’t” without a British accent.