As in, “He got tons of money.”  Granted, a ton of money could be a lot.  For instance, a local car dealership is advertising that they will save their customers a "ton of money."  Granted, they are more than likely using "ton" as the trite cliché that it is, and not literally meaning an actual "ton" (2,000 pounds US).  However, they are advertising it, and that means they could be taken literally, and some customer could, in theory, sue them for their ton of money.

But how much is a ton of money?  What denomination of money weighs the most, and therefore would be the least amount of money in a ton, and what weighs the least, and therefore would be the most?  To get our answers, we went to the Internet, and our trusty calculator.

Obviously coins weigh more than paper, so to figure out which denomination would reach a ton the cheapest, all we had to do was find out the weight of various coins, assuming those coins are not worn, because worn coins can weigh less.

Copper pennies minted before 1982 weigh about 3.11 grams each, (Test Digital Scale) so it would take around 145 of them to make a pound, and 290,000 of them, or $2,900 to make a ton.  On the other hand, pennies minted after 1982 are made of zinc, which weighs less, 2.5 grams each. (Coin Specifications)  Therefore, there are approximately 180 zinc pennies in a pound, meaning it would take 360,000 of them to make a ton, or $3,600.

Getting 360,000 pre-1982 coins could be a bit of a problem, though, because anybody who has that many copper pennies knows they are worth more than a penny.  A pre-1982 penny is 95% copper. (What's a Penny Made Of?)  At face value, a pound of these coins would be worth $1.45, but the copper in those pennies is worth around $2.62. (Copper Gram Price Calculator)  And that, incidentally, is why the United States switched over to primarily zinc pennies in 1982.  A post-1982 penny is only 2.5% copper (only the "coating" or "clad" is copper), and the rest, 97.5%, is zinc.  (Coin Specifications)  The current cost of zinc is around 1.05 a pound, (McPherson) so a pound of pennies, approximately 180 of them, is only worth around 1.02, making them far more cost efficient.  Therefore, for purposes of this exercise, we're assuming that the pennies in that ton of money would all be the cheaper pennies, the ones made after 1982, and that ton would be worth $3,600.

All US nickels minted after 1965 weigh five grams.  No matter which penny you use, five pennies are going to weigh more than one nickel.  Similarly, a dime weighs 2.268 grams, which is less than a penny.  A quarter weighs 5.67 grams, a tad bit more than the weight of two pennies.  And a half dollar weighs 12.5 grams, the weight of five pennies.  (Coin Specifications)

A dollar coin, the kind minted since 2000, weighs 8.1 grams, less than a half dollar coin, and roughly the weight of three post-1982 cents.  (Coin Specifications)  Silver dollars made prior to 2000 weighed approximately 26.73 grams, which is right at an ounce, (US Silver Coin Melt Values) about the equivalent of seven pre-1982 cents, but they are almost all worth well more than a dollar because of rarity.  And even if they aren't rare, but are silver, the going price of silver at this writing is 51 cents a gram, (Silver Prices Today) so a silver dollar (if it were pure silver) would be worth over $13 melted down.  A pound of silver dollars, therefore, would be worth $208, and a ton would be worth around $416,000.  So the cheapest ton, at $3,600, still remains a ton of post-1982 pennies.

Figuring out which is the most expensive "ton" of money is a bit easier, since all paper denominations pretty much weigh the same, which is one gram, regardless of how many zeroes it has on it. (Vafiades)  There are 28 grams in an ounce, 16 ounces in a pound, and, of course, 2000 pounds in a US ton, so a ton of one dollar bills would be worth $896,000.

Currently, the United States only mints folding money in $1, $2, $5, $10, $20, $50, and $100 denominations.  The US has, in the past, issued bills for $500, $1000, $5,000, $10,000, and $100,000, and some of these bills are "technically" still in circulation.  (US Dollar Symbols and Denominations)  Even though, by US law, a federal repository bank must accept any US currency at face value no matter how old that money is, any bill over $500 is going to be worth far more than that because it's a collector's item.  For instance, a $10,000 bill in very good condition could easily bring around $140,000 at auction, if not more. (Trex)

And it would be extremely difficult, to say the least, to come up with 896,000 $100,000 dollar bills.  Actually, it would be impossible.  The $100,000 bills, which were only minted for three weeks in 1934-1935, were never circulated in the general public, only being used for official transactions between Federal Reserve Banks and the Treasurer of the United States.  By the way, Woodrow Wilson was on that bill. (Trex)

There are some of the other larger bills still floating around, though.  As of May 2009, there were 336 $10,000 bills still in circulation, 342 $5,000 bills, and 165,732 $1,000 bills. (Trex)  So, at best, all those $1000 bills are going to weigh around 370 pounds, well short of a ton.  And that we actually know how many are still in circulation tells anybody who's ever collected baseball cards that they're not selling for face value.

It is uncertain how many $500 bills are still in circulation, and even if you could come up with 896,000 of them, enough to weigh a ton at a face value of $448,000,000, you'd be a fool to trade them in for the equivalent of that amount in smaller bills.  Depending on the condition, a collector could be willing to pay between $600 and $1,500 per bill for these oldies. (DiLallo)  Therefore, the largest bill in circulation, worth only its face value, is $100.  A ton of $100 bills, then, is worth $89,600,000.

Therefore, if you go to that car dealer and demand that ton of money in savings on your new car, you could very well get $3,600 off the price, but don't expect 89.6 million.  And all of this assuming that we’re talking about US tons, and not metric tons. 

Money can be measured.  Other things... not so easily.  You can have tons of friends, but depending on how large your friends are, that may not be very many.  But how could you ever weigh fun?  Attention?  Opportunities?  Clichés?