Leonard Nertz, born on October 12, 2009, was determined to be the 7,500,000,003 person on the planet, making him statistically the first person to exceed the earth’s ability to support itself, as determined by the Bureau of International Anomalies and Statistics.   Though it was just a matter of chance that Leonard was assigned such notoriety, and though virtually everyone else agreed that any number of other people could have been assigned that number, Leonard was never able to escape the cruel label that fate had given him, and was referred by everyone, everywhere he went, for his entire life, simply as “That Guy.”

Dusseldorf, March 5, 2010 

The effect of positive thinking has long been postulated, with many anecdotal stories to support its purported benefits.  However, the actual scientific benefits of positive thinking has remained elusive, until now.  Drs. Horvath Kleinsmith and Axel Füentermann, working at the Dusseldorf Institute of Psychological Pathology, has concluded that there is, indeed, a measureable shift in the electromagnetic field generated by every living thing, and humans in particular, that can be predicated by concentrating thoughts, what they have labeled “positive thought waves.”

They are quick to point out that the name may be deceptive.  “It is a shift in the positive field,” said Dr.  Füentermann.  “However, such a shift will not necessarily bring about positive effects.”  Dr. Kleinsmith went on to say that it is likely that the change is so small its effects may never be noticed at all. 

Other researchers, however, believe the effects may be more pronounced.  Heinlich Himmelschmitts reported that he was able to monitor a -10⁶⁴/2 degree shift in the electromagnetic field of one individual concentrating on solving a simple puzzle.  When two individuals worked on the same puzzle, the shift changed to a startling -10⁶³/2 for each.  “Not only is that extraordinary in itself,” exclaimed Dr. Himmelschmitts, “but my calculations indicate that such a shift is exponential.”

It has long been postulated that one person’s electromagnetic waves could influence another’s.  The Kleinsmith-Füentermann Effect, and the further testing by Dr. Himmelschmitts, seem to support this theory.  “It is not only possible for one to influence another,” said Himmelschmitts, “but it could also be possible on a much larger scale.”  Himmelschmitts speculated that such a shift could be a possible explanation for such phenomena as mass hysteria, soccer riots, and even an entire society’s passive or militaristic tendencies.

“Theoretically,” Himmelschmitts commented, “if enough thoughts were concentrated, virtually anything could be possible.  It would even be possible, say, if enough people concentrated on an alarm clock that was set to go off at, say, 6:00 a.m., to make it go off at 5:00.”  Himmelschmitts further added that the level of concentration would not even need to be that intensive. “If enough people simply believe that something is so, it could very well make it happen.”  Himmelschmitts was cautious, though, in stating that there may be limits to what positive thinking can accomplish, regardless of how many people were concentrating on a feat.  “It would be unlikely,” stated Himmelschmitts, “that the dead could be brought back to life, even if everybody on the entire planet believed it possible.”  Himmelschmitts went on to add, however, that the effect of even half the people on the planet simply believing that something were so would be “absolutely tremendous.”

Both Drs. Füentermann and Kleinsmith were cautious about Himmelschmitts’ speculations.  Speaking for the two, Füentermann stated, “We would like to see more testing.  However, Dr. Himmelschmitts has opened an entirely new field of debate.”