National Tell A Joke Day

Let's face it.  August is rather devoid of meaningful holidays.  Not to put down such important holidays as National Watermelon Day on the 3^rd, Wiggle Your Toes Day on the 6^th, or National Dog Day, which shares the 26^th with National Women's Equality Day.  By "meaningful," we mean days that you actually get off work for, such as Labor Day, or a holiday that at least gives us yet another reason to drink, like St. Patrick's Day, the Fourth or July, or... well, pretty much every holiday.  So here at HGP we've chose National Tell a Joke Day on August 16 as our candidate for the next Federal Holiday.

There is scant evidence anywhere that this is actually a holiday.  Nobody seems to know who created it or when it first was celebrated.  It has no national proclamations, and no one gets the day off... yet.  And aside from a few opportunistic online greeting cards, nobody does anything for this holiday... except tell jokes.  But here at the Press, we happen to be big fans of jokes.  So here’s our official joke for National Tell A Joke Day: 

A duck without a bill walks into a rhinoplasty clinic and asks the receptionist, “Do you do same day surgery?”  To which she answers, “No.”  “That’s OK,” says the duck.  “You can bill me later.”

Once upon a time
there were Two Bears
named Carlos and Boris
who decided to go into business
making pizza.
So they opened Two Bears Pizzeria.
They only made one kind of pizza -
salmon and anchovy
with bell peppers, honey, and olives...
green olives.
It was awful,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the pizza.
They were going to see Two Bears make pizza.
And the Two Bears did very well...
for about two weeks,
until a family of Badgers
opened a Thai place
down on 122nd and Division.
It was lousy Thai,
but nobody cared.
They weren't going for the Thai.