Many years ago, at the first school I ever taught at, I carpooled with two other teachers, a man and a woman – call them Gary and and Miss Corbell, both my age – young, novice teachers.  And we – mostly Gary and I – would tell jokes on occasion.  So one day I told what I still consider to be one of the funniest jokes ever – the "Sonofabitch Fish" joke. 

Two elderly priests were fishing, enjoying a peaceful day by an isolated lake.  After a bit, one of the priests – call him Father John – pulled in a fish and exclaimed, "What a magnificent sonofabitch!"  The other priest – call him Father Tom – was taken aback by Father John's language, but he said nothing.  Pretty soon, Father John pulled in another fish, this one even bigger than the first, and he exclaimed, "Aye!  Another big sonofabitch!"  And so Father Tom said to Father John (imagine a strong Irish accent), "Aye, Father John, though we may be far removed from the ears of man, we are never removed from the ears of God, and God finds such language offensive."  To which Father John replied, "Aye, Father Tom, think not that I would ever use such language unfounded, for I would never choose to offend the Lord.  But that is what the fish is called.  That is its given name.  It is a Sonofabitch Fish."  Father Tom was somewhat doubtful, but he kept his tongue.  When they got back to the church, Father Tom looked it up, and sure enough, the fish was really called a Sonofabitch Fish.  To say the least, he was relieved that Father John had not been cursing, and disappointed in himself for ever having doubted the good Father.

 

That night they had those fish for supper.  At that meal, fresh out of seminary, was a brand new priest.  It was the first time he had ever broken bread with either Father Tom or Father John.  Understandably, he was a bit nervous.  After the Blessing, Father Tom took a bite of his fish and exclaimed, "That is one delicious Sonofabitch!"  And then Father John, after taking a bite, replied, "Aye!  That is the best Sonofabitch I've ever eaten."  To which the new priest said, "You know, I think I'm going to like working with you motherfuckers."

 

Gary, who was driving, laughed so hard I feared we might not stay on the road.  Miss Corbell was offended.  Not just a little offended, but whole-heartedly offended.  And she told me so in no short order, and, further, that I was never to tell such inappropriate jokes in her presence ever again.   Because it was just not funny!

 

I apologized, but mostly, I wrote her off as being a humourless prude. 

 

I only worked at that school for a year, and after the Sonofabitch Fish joke, I rarely carpooled with Miss Corbell again.  And I sure as heck didn't tell her anymore jokes.  But that joke followed me for the rest of my career.  At almost every school I ever worked at, there was invariably somebody who would realize that I was the one who had told "that joke."  Educators I met at seminars, people I didn't even work with and had never met before, knew about "the joke."  In more than one interview I had to talk my way out of telling that joke – I had to sooth the interviewing principal or superintendent's fears that I would behave appropriately as a teacher.  That joke could very well be why I didn't get hired at any number of districts.  Had I not told that joke, my career could've – and probably would've – taken a very different path.  One joke.

 

Looking back on it all, if I had the chance to go back and not tell that joke, I'm fairly certain that I wouldn’t change a goddamned thing.

 

A Priest and a Rabbi had been fishing together for years.  One day, they invited the town's Baptist minister along.  They were sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake, all patiently waiting with their lines in the water, bobbers gently rocking, when the Rabbi says, "I think I'm going to go back to the car and get some more coffee."  So he gets out of the boat, walks across the water, gets the coffee, and returns, once again walking on water.  The Rabbi doesn't say a thing.  He doesn't even look up.  It was as if nothing unusual had happened.  The minister, understandably, was freaked.  But he kept his composure.  Pretty soon, the Priest says, "I don't know about you boys, but I'm ready for a sandwich."  And then he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and returned with the sandwiches, once again walking on water.  The minister is really freaking out now.  A Catholic and Jew has just walked on water.  The fate of the entire Protestant faith may very well be in his hands.  There was nothing to it.  He had to walk on the water, too.  So he says, "I just realized I forgot my favourite lure."  After which he stepped out of the boat, and "Whoosh!" – he goes under.  As the minister was splashing about in the lake, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and said, "Do you think we ought to tell the fool where the stumps are?"