Many people have come to me lately and asked me why I have decided to run for President.  My answer:  Why not?  After all, $400,000 a year for four years is pretty darn good.  Try picking that up in the private sector.  And the retirement is fantastic.  However, these people are persistent.  In particular, they want to know what my qualifications are.  Quoting the late Kinky Freedman, who recently ran for Governor in Texas (but unfortunately lost, which is the political equivalent of death), “How hard can it be?”

The first thing I will do if I am elected is hire somebody to hire everybody I will need to run the government for me.  Then I can devote my time to traveling.  I mean, how cool is Air Force One?  People would turn out just to see me.  Bands would play.  Little kids would wave flags, and occasionally somebody would try to shoot me.  But the really cool part is that I would have people willing to die for me.  To jump in front of those bullets.

So, with that, I would like to announce my official campaign slogan:  “Why not?”

The Most Honorable Leonard K. Bullfinch, Senator-at-Large