I come to you today to take a stance on a subject that has long been dear to me.  And that is my Second Amendment right to arm myself, to the teeth if necessary.  We have the God given right in America to shoot each other, and that happens to be a right I won’t give up without a fight.  And you had better believe I’ll be packing.  Of course, I’ll be packing a perfectly legal handgun, along with the permits necessary to own that gun.  And I have a trigger guard, too.  Just in case the grandkids accidently open the combination on my gun safe.

Today, though, I come to you for your support.  And the support I seek from you, my fellow Americans, is help in repealing the ban on possessing ballistic missiles.  There are many collectors and serious hunters, like myself, who are being unlawfully denied their Second Amendment Right to procure ballistic missiles.

First of all, a man has the right to protect his home.  Does it really matter from what?  Second, it opens up an entire new dimension to hunting.  Kill it and cook it, all at once.  Third, think of the collector!  Imagine a trophy room displaying every weapon ever made... except that blank spot along the wall.  Are we that cold-hearted that we wouldn’t give just one man that little pleasure in life?  But finally, the Second Amendment says I can, and that’s all the reason I need.  And I’ve got the NRA behind me to boot.

It’s time for this blatant and unconstitutional discrimination to end!  Not another day should pass without the possession of ballistic missiles being legal.  After all, outlawing the possession of ballistic missiles will not keep lunatics from killing thousands of people.  If you outlaw ballistic missiles, they’ll just use a board with a nail in it. 

Therefore, I want all of you who know what is right to email every elected official that you know, repeatedly, and tell them that you demand access to ballistic missiles.  In fact, you tell them that you are determined to possess ballistic missiles.  In double fact, you tell them that you are even willing to die, if that what it takes.  And who wouldn’t be willing to die in protecting his Constitution rights?  I guarantee you, you will see action.

And remember, ballistic missiles don’t kill people.  Lunatics who are allowed to have ballistic missiles kill people.

Thank you for your support.

The Honorable Leonard K. Bullfinch, Senator-at-Large