Um...  Ah... Yeah.  I guess you need to know that I hate mowing lawns.  I mean, if you don’t know that, I’m not sure if any of the rest will make any sense.  Hell, it probably won’t make sense anyway.  I mean, when I think about it, it don’t make a whole lotta sense to me, either.  Of course, that’s true for a lot of things.  Hey, I’m not puttin’ myself down.  I just know.  I’m cool with it.  Oh, yeah.  We were talkin’ about lawns.  You see, I hated mowin’ my lawn.  I know a lot of people use the word hate, and it don’t mean a whole lot anymore.  But I’m not one of those people.  And I hated mowin’ the lawn.  But it’s one of those things you have to do if you own one.  At first the neighbors make those little jokes, and then they get downright mean.  You know what it means to have a covenant?  You can bet your neighbors do.  So anyway, everytime I had to mow the lawn I just got wasted.  Totally buzzed.  Blitzed.  I’m talkin’ trippin’ my balls off.  I suppose that’s not the smartest thing I ever did, but I still got all my parts.  I don’t know when it started.  Not gettin’ wasted, now I know when that started.  8^th grade.  Eddie Fremont’s house.  He was having this really lame party and his brother was there.  He was like a senior.  He may have been older than that.  He was a senior for a long time.  We all thought we were so cool.  So, at any rate, I was talkin’ about mowin’ my lawn wasted.  I started to mow it in patterns.  I didn’t even realize it.  I started... you know... just doin’ normal shit.  Concentric circles eminating from the maple and integrating with the circles from the flower bed.  Not too technical, but still a nice effect.  And then I started getting funky.  I did crop circles for a while.  I mean, it was really cool lookin’, especially if you were up on the roof.  I even would raise the blades on different rows.  Once, I did the entire lawn in pasley.  Differentiating between the different shapes was a particular challenge.  From June to early August... I guess that was year before last, I did the Ten Commandments.  One a week for ten weeks.  That’s what did it.  People would drive by after church on Sundays.  It got big.  They did a write up on me in the local paper and it was picked up by UPI.  I mean, I think the story was even in Europe.  No shit.  And it wasn’t a week later I get this offer.  You see, lawnservices are a bigger deal than most people who aren’t in the business realize.  There’s the Golden Mower.  It’s the biggest prize in professional lawnscaping.  It’s like the Oscar of lawn mowers.  This company out of Connecticut calls me up and they offered me... shit, just this incredible amount of money.  And most of it up front, if I would come to work for them, just so I could be their entry in the Golden Mower Compition.  Hell, you win that, if you’re a lawnservice, you can write your ticket.  I mean, seriously, you can get all the corporate accounts.  Those are the ones you want.  They pay way over market value, it’s a contract so you get paid whether you needed to mow that week or not, and they let you advertise.  You made it.  If I won that competition – if they won it – hell, $100,000 dollars would be worth it.  And how am I going to turn down that kind of jack?  I mean, that’s some serious green.  So I go.  And I won.  No shit.  I mean, you can pick up some quality weed on the east coast.  I don’t even remember doing the front yard.  Honest to God.  It was the solar system – all the planets and shit.  And coming out of the brush at the end of the lot, was the hand of God.  It was trippy.  So they gave me this Golden Lawn mower.  It’s a trophy.  But not some plastic piece of crap that they give out at soccer games.  This was really heavy.  It was probably worth 40 or 50 dollars.  It was cool.  I mean, it sounds stupid, but it really was cool.  And afterwards, when they were talkin’ to me... you know... all these gardening and lanscaping and cable network people, this one chick... I guess she was a reporter... she asks me what I used as my inspiration.  And I told her the truth.  Ganja.  I mean, I was figurin’ that some of us could go out back and get high.  They seemed cool enough.  But uh-uh.  These dudes freaked out.  Way outta proportion.  It seems that they had these rules against being in the competition stoned.  Seriously.  You were supposed to go out there and make up all that shit straight.  That’s messed up.  And then they took away my Golden Mower.  I didn’t even get to keep all that money.  The upfront stuff I did.  Yeah.  But it wasn’t that much.  They threatened to sue me, but I threatened to not care, and they never did.  So, I still have to mow my lawn.  Just like before.  Only now, it’s just not there any more.  I just mostly go in straight lines.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.