Me?  I’m a professional game show contestant.  I mean, I’m not really a contestant.  I’m just one of the people in the audience.  I don’t work for any show in particular.  I work for an agency, really.  They call if there’s a game show that doesn’t have a full audience.  When the camera scans the audience, they want to show a packed house – like people actually care for “Who’s the Lunatic” or “What Price Your Soul.”  It’s pretty steady work if you’re willing to dress like an onion.

Really, it’s not that hard, especially since they never zoom in on the audience, unless, of course, you happen to be standing next to somebody’s brother-in-law.  The trick is to act like it actually matters.  Like somebody is really going to get to take home $12,000 and the camper.

Thing is, though, I can never be an actual contestant.  Ever.  That’s part of the contract.  It’s like sitting on the bench and knowing that no matter what the score, no matter who gets injured, you’re never getting called into the game.  But I do get to be on TV.  I’ve appeared in 1,293 game shows.  Not very many people can say that, you know.  It’s steady work for an actor, and you don’t really even have to act at all.