It has come to my attention through extensive research that our country is experiencing a slight economic upheaval.  Many fine folks have lost money.  More than they usually would over a weekend.  And some have even lost their jobs.  It has always been my stand that unemployment is bad.  After all, it is every American’s God-given right to be able to buy whatever it is that they want.  And if you can’t, well, then somehow that ought to be your fault.  It sure as heck wasn’t mine.  However, lately, it has come to my attention that that may just not be so.  In fact, the economy has struck even the Bullfinch household.  Through bad investments, we have lost our entire re-election funds.  Basically, we never invested the funds to begin with and pretty much blew through them all during about a three week period when we were doing extensive research on the legalized gambling industry that exists along the Missouri and Oklahoma border.  We were also able to do some Indian relations at the time.  To be honest, I still don’t understand why they hate Pakistan. 

But the point is, these hard economic times have caused me to think, and the fruit of that endeavor is the cure to our economic woes, which, by the way, would make an excellent title to a Blues song.  See, that’s just the kind of spirit we need to rekindle in America.  The ability to make money off of anything.  Therefore, to add a boost to our economy, I’m recommending to the House Waves and Beans Committee that we change our currency to Oak leaves.  What better symbol of the strength that will once again be America than the mighty Oak?  And the beauty of it is, it’s free for the taking; all you have to do is have the initiative to go out and pick them up.  And you can start in my yard first.

In addition, I am making myself available to be on the Exchange Commission.  It will be our duty to determine the relative value in other leaves to Oak.  For instance,  five elm leaves would be worth one Oak.  But not Japanese elm.  They tend to be a little stronger.  They’re trading right now for 4.2568 Japanese elm to one Oak.  Maple leaves, on the other hand, are holding steady at 4-1.  Think of the investment potential alone in leaf futures.  

By moving quickly on this initiative, we will be able to rescue our country’s economy and turn our attention to the other pressing issues that increasingly face humanity, such as malnourishment.

Currently I am serving on the steering committee that is in the planning process of forming a commission to look into the creation of the Department of Nutrition.  We believe that malnutrition can be conquered if people would just learn to eat dirt.  Worms can do it.  It’s just a question of getting that nourishment out of the ground and then getting the proper kind of packaging.  And that’s American know-how.

Remember, your support is always appreciated, and it will be appreciated even more in these hard financial times.  I would be happy to take all of your old, worthless money off your hands. After all, you would be doing your part.  I’m really not sure how, but then, if we’re all Americans, then everything we do is a part of all that is done.  And that ought to make you proud.