Iselmatainia is a peaceful country located in the middle of the Indian Ocean.  It is almost the exact distance from Iselmatainia to Africa as it is to both India and Australia.

Iselmatainia enjoys mild weather year round, with an average temperature of 74 degrees.  The record high temperature is 89 degrees, while the coldest it’s ever been is a crisp 63.  Whereas Iselmatainia receives enough yearly rainfall to keep it a lush green, it’s never rained more then one-half an inch at one time.  Overcast days, in fact, are so rare that they are actually celebrated.

Iselmatainia’s 15,00 people are all Ultraparifanoxeyitists, a religion that believes their god, Alesh McTibbet, implores all Iselmatainians to share, be nice, not overpopulate or pollute, and have as little to do with the rest of the world as possible.  As a result of this, their government is the world’s only working socialistic theocracy.  They have no crime, no unemployment, and will fire surface-to-surface missiles at any ship entering their only harbour.  There are no airports on Iselmatainia, and only Iselmatainian ships are allowed to dock.  No foreigners are allowed in the country without permission.

The official language of Iselmatainia is, quite naturally, Iselmatainian.  However, since Iselmatainian is so ridiculously hard to speak, it is only used in the official language of the government (which is also the religion).  English is spoken in the day-to-day lives of the Iselmatainian people.

Iselmatainia’s economy is dependent on the pepperonis that grow wild on trees throughout the island.  Income from pepperonis is used primarily to buy wheat, which will not grow in the thin, rocky soil.  Iselmatainia has plans on producing coins solely to be exported to numismatists.  These coins will be absolutely worthless on the island, since Iselmatainia has no actual economy.

The main island and the surrounding smaller islands are abundant in exotic wildlife.  Undoubtedly the most unique – even more so than the creeping shrubs and the piranha mice – are the Singing Tree Turtles, which are the country’s national symbol.  Singing Tree Turtles spend virtually their entire lives in the same tree.  The female only returns to the ground to lay eggs.  Since their claws are truly only designed to go up, the female returns to the ground by crawling to the end of a branch and then sailing off, quite like a Frisbee.  Because of the symbiotic relationship between the turtles and the pepperoni trees in which they live, the Singing Tree Turtles of Iselmatainia are ardently protected.