Shell Shock:  A Description of Islematainia’s National Sport

The Iselmatainian National Sport is called Shell Shock.  Originally the game was played with shells of the female Singing Tree Turtle, but now it’s played with a standardized “shell” made out of the wood from a pepperoni tree.

The object of the game, in principle, is to outscore your opponent.  Points are scored by hitting your opponent in various parts of his or her body with a thrown shell.  For instance, a foot is worth three points and the forehead is worth 20 points.  In reality, no one ever keeps score.  the game usually ends when the opposing team can no longer field any players, or when everybody simply loses interest and wanders off home.

Other that that, there are no set rules.  There is no designated playing area, no set starting time, no periods of play, or type of uniform or protective gear.

The game begins whenever a group decides they want to play.  It is not necessary to designate who the other team is or even for the other team’s players to actually know they’re playing.  Since there is no set amount of shells that can be in play at any given time, it is quite common for everybody on the island to be always carrying a shell.

A game can only be called for a National Holiday, when the entire population peacefully joins as one to shell Upper Iselmatainia.  Iselmatainia observes many National Holidays.