The last Nobel Prize of any kind was issued in 2053, when the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Mbutu Mugombi, who was the current leader of the Glorious People’s Republic of South Central Africa.  Mugombi was awarded the prize for what the committee called “humanitarian restraint.”  After all, they reasoned, he only killed 200,000 of his own people, when “he clearly could’ve killed a lot more.”  Said one committee member, “You know, if the only thing good you can say about somebody is that he could’ve been worse, and he’s the best you can find, then it’s probably best that you just quit trying.”

And it was probably just as well, since the committee had run out of money in 2048, having invested heavily in shady land deals on Neptune.  In that year, when the last Nobel Prize in Physics was finally awarded to the toaster (which the committee considered, in retrospect, to be the last invention that truly improved anybody’s life), the prize consisted of a check for a dollar ninety seven, a coupon for a free breakfast at Shoney’s, and an unframed certificate that had been printed off by a printer that was clearly out of ink.

Though several attempts were made to revive Nobel Prizes in the following years, it was deemed to be “a lot of work.”  “And,” said one promoter, “for what?  Hell, we don’t even get free beer.”