I service owls.  I’m an owl serviceman.  I have no affiliation whatsoever with the chain of restaurants, and I wish people wouldn’t even bring it up.  Did you know that owls are the most common raptor that people keep in their homes?  That’s not something I would make up.  Everybody thinks that having an owl is easy, but you’d be surprised at all the maintenance that needs to be done.  Why, in the wild an owl keeps its talons trimmed by ripping apart cute little animals.  They don’t do that in captivity... not usually.  Talons aren’t easy to trim, and don’t you let anybody tell you different.  Why, if they do, well... they’re just storyin’.  And then there’s the beak!  There ain’t no formal trainin’ to becoming an owl maintainer.  It’s more of an apprenticeship.  I learned from a feller named Diffeldorf.  Only had one eye, and he lost half his tongue, but that had nothin’ to do with owls.  Couldn’t even pronounce his own name.  This little finger of mine?  It ain’t real.  But you can’t tell.  I suppose you could if I had to use it more than I do.  They called that bird Buddy.  More like a Buddy to Satan.  You ever see an owl sittin’ on somebody’s arm?  They’re just waitin’ to tear your cheek off.  It’s hard to get that to look right again.  Thing is, owls are just mean.  There ain’t no other way to say it, unless it was in a different language and it meant the same thing.  When it comes down to it, there ain’t no glamour in maintainin’ owls, and it don’t pay worth a hoot.  Hey,  I made a joke.  But I do get to work indoors, which is a relief, what with knowing that there are owls hiding everywheres, just waiting to tear the fleshy part of your wrist open.  Now... I don’t want to sound like a sissy, although I guess technically I am, but that would hurt.