An Open Letter from the Most Honorable Senator Leonard K. Bullfinch

My Fellow Americans:

After much deliberation, I have decided to announce my candidacy for the 2016 Presidential Race.  After studying the current field of candidates, I’ve come to the conclusion that those qualities the  American people want in a presidential candidate are nothing, other than I wear a suit.  And I have plenty of those.  I don’t have to have a coherent platform, I don’t have to say anything that makes sense, I don’t have to address the issues, and I don’t even have to be civil.  Pretty much, all I need to do is to show up, and then I don’t even have to do that on a regular basis.  I believe, if you study my record as a Senator, you will find that I am more than qualified to be the next President of the United States of America.  To quote Kinky Friedman’s campaign slogan for Texas Governor, “How hard can it be?”

But let me assure you, even though I am a professional politician, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the common folk.  Remember:  I’m just like you.  I don’t have a clue.  So please join me on my quest for the White House.  After all, it’s the quest of the American Dream – a four year luxury vacation, and then I can retire and live off the public largess for the rest of my life. 

Thank you for your time, and thank you for your support.

Sen. L.K.B.