The History of the Future:  April 7, 2117

In a unanimous decision, the Supreme Court ruled for the plaintiff in Lars Gundersenn v Everybody.  Lars’ great-great-great-great-great grandfather, “Spydyr” Gundersenn, had written a promotional song for his extermination business in the early 20th century.  The Justices agreed that Spydyr’s ditty was the inspiration for the classic children’s song “The Eensie Weensie Spider.”  They further ruled that “The Eensie Weensie Spider” was the inspiration behind the phrase “Surfing the web.”

As Spydyr’s only surviving heir, the Court ruled that Lars was therefore entitled to all profits made from the term “Surfing the web,” which meant that he was entitled to all profits ever made on the Internet, which, they concluded, was everything.

The History of the Future:  April 8, 2117

In Everybody v Lars Gundersenn, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled that owning everything was the same as owning nothing, which was exactly what Lars was entitled to.  They did, however, allow Lars to keep his trousers.

The Vanderpools

The Vanderpools had a terrible time with monsters under their bed.  They would keep them awake at night and tickle their toes with their long whiskers and not pick up after themselves ever.  So the Vanderpools decided that the monsters had to go. They tried just about everything, but nothing worked.  Then one day an old lady on the Internet told them the solution, “Mice. Everybody knows that monsters hate mice.”  So the Vanderpools got a whole family of mice and let them move in under their bed, and in no time at all, all the monsters were gone, and once more the Vanderpools could sleep in peace.  Except, of course, for the mice, who did scurry about so.  So they got themselves a cat.