The History of the Future:  The End of Seasonal Movies

On June 12, 2024, the Supreme Court ruled 9-0 in favour of Everybody V. Disney and effectively banned the creation of any new seasonal movie, no matter the season, and no matter how clever it might be.  Speaking for the majority, Justice Tupidsay stated, “Enough already!  If this isn’t cruel and unusual punishment, then I don’t know what is.  I mean, seriously, how many more movies about flying reindeer should anybody be forced to see?”  

All of us here at the Holy Grail Press wish you a wonderful Christmas, Kwanza, Ramadan, Hanukkah, Inti Raymi, Bodhi Day, Winter Solstice, Chinese New Year, Pancha Ganapati, Yalda, Guru Gobind Singh Gurpurab, Ludachristmas, Festivus, Chrismahanukwanzadan, or anything else I may have missed! 

The History of the Future

April 14, 2068:  When Pigs Fly

Through a combination of genetic mutations, xeno-morphic-splicing, and something “really weird that he was doing with a blender and a blow torch,” Clyde Weysenhausen created a pig that could actually fly, albeit not very well.  When asked why he did such a thing, Weysenhausen replied, “What?  You hear them too!  Dull people thinking they sound clever by using clichés!  Well there’s one they can’t use anymore!”  Weysenhausen died the following year when his crocobear ate him, and the pig flew into a bus.  All they could save were its ribs.  As a side note, people actually stopped using the phrase “When pigs fly,” replacing it with “When ducks sing.”