We're talkin' the Blessed Virgin
just standin' there with her arms spread out,
like all those little statues you buy,
only this wasn't no statue.

It was like this glow
right in the middle of the dash,
but you could really tell it was Mary.
You didn't even have to squint
or hold your head sideways
or anything like that.

At first Julio didn't believe it.
You know, who could blame him?
Don't get me wrong, man.
Julio ain't perfect.
But who the hell is?
Well, at any rate,
Julio thought it might be the streetlight or something,
so he moved his car,
but it was still there.
I'm tellin' ya, that's when he freaked.

It's not like Julio told anybody about it.
Well, me and his Mama and I think his old lady,
but by the next night there was like twenty-five people there
all gettin' off on this little glowing image
of the Blessed Mother of Christ.
And by the end of the week
there was like three or four hundred people there.
I mean, there were so many people
you couldn't even drive down the street,
and they had all these candles burning,
and all these old ladies were dressed in black
kneeling there on the sidewalk sayin' their beads.
And that Sunday Father Thomas even said Mass there.
He gave out the Sacrament
right off the trunk of Julio's car.
There was even this guy there sellin' tamales.
They were pretty good, too.

This kinda thing went on for about two weeks.
You know, in a way it was really cool for Julio,
what with havin' a miracle goin' on'
right there in his car and all.
But in another way it was really a drag,
‘cause it wasn't like he could take his car and go cruisin'.
Sure, there were all these people from the church
who would've taken Julio anywhere he wanted to go,
but Julio didn't always want to go
to places that you'd want other people takin' ya to,
if you know what I mean.

Well, it wasn't long before these two guys show up
all the way from Rome.
We knew they were comin' and all,
but it was still really wild.
We all thought they'd be wearin' these funky hats and all.
You know, the robes and sashes and stuff,
be swingin' incense, maybe even singin' that Latin stuff.
But they weren't.
Hell, they had on these regular suits.
They didn't even have an accent.

So they go to askin' all these questions.
Talkin' to Julio and his Mama
and Father Thomas and just about everybody.
They even talked to me.
Wanted to know stuff like:
What kinda dude was Julio?
How often did we go runnin'?
and What kinda stuff did we like to do?
And always takin' notes.
Geez, they were the most note takin'est dudes you ever knowed.
I don't even think they were real priests.

Well, after a few days
they kinda casually announce
that they'd reached a decision.
You know, about whether or not it was a real live miracle.
Well hell, we thought they'd have to go back to Rome
and talk it over with the Pope,
or something like that,
but they just stepped out on the sidewalk,
said it was no miracle,
and started off like they were gonna go.

You really have to know Julio's mother to understand.
I mean, she's a really nice lady,
but once she gets pissed off, look out!

She just stood up to one of them Italian guys and says,
"Well, if it ain't a miracle, what is it?"
And he says it's just a light.
And she says,
"Well, if it's a light, then where's it comin' from?"

Well, they didn't have no answer,
but it didn't matter,
‘cause they went away just the same.
And it didn't matter how long Julio's Mama stood there in the street
or how loudly she yelled,
‘cause they weren't comin' back.
They had done made up their minds.
It was no miracle.

Bummer.

Pretty soon after they left,
the tamale guy left, too,
and it wasn't but a couple of days
that there was hardly anybody there.
Sure, there were still a couple of those funeral ladies
still goin' at their beads,
but they weren't people ya ever really noticed anyway.

It was a pretty good deal for Julio, actually,
‘cause he got his car back an' all,
even though there still was this funky light
that was still hovering over his dash.
So Julio got this plastic Mary
and stuck it on his dash
right where that weird light was.

And it wasn't too long after that
that Julio just got rid of his car.
What the hell.
It never ran worth a damn anyway.